Man, do I have a case of the Mondays! Cue laugh-track. Cheeky wink. Applause from the audience.
All attempted jokes aside, I’m feeling down today. I suppose there’s probably a bunch of reasons for it. It is January and winter weather has finally decided to come crashing on top of us. Its cold and snowy and I don’t feel like going out anywhere because its cold and snowy and wet.
So, all I’m basically doing right now is working and trying to get a few projects of my own done. Not new projects. The old ones, the ones currently in progress: Book and Page Season 2 and this blog. Even then, its hard to focus on them. My depression is getting to the point that all I want to do is stay in bed and play video games and eat junk food.
Which isn’t exactly healthy.
And I’m getting disheartened overall. Other projects I’m working on, PhD applications and my writing, just don’t seem to be going anywhere. It feels like I’ve got doors closing all over the place and no window to smash.
The hard part is doing to work anyway. And accepting that sometimes the answer is going to be no. I’m in the middle of that part right now.
I suppose its also worth looking at things more broadly. It’s okay to live small: to have a job that you don’t mind, a few good friends, and some hobbies that you enjoy. It’s okay to think laterally: what you want to do might come from unexpected sources. It’s okay to not to get everything in the first go. You don’t have to be great, but you should try and be good.
I know that’s probably not what people want to hear. It’s not what I want to hear! I’ve been working so hard and I just want someone to say “yes”! But that’s ignoring how a friend asked me yesterday if we can do more things around the city, get out more and do videos for our respective YouTube channels. That’s ignoring the fact that I wrote and self-published a book! So, what if no one’s reading it, I did it! That’s ignoring the fact that I enjoyed certain video games so much the first time that I want to play them over and over. That’s ignoring the fact that I have a lot of fascinating books to read.
I’m feeling disheartened today and I’ll probably be feeling that way tomorrow. My depression isn’t going to be magically cured. But if I keep putting one foot in front of the other, I’ll end up somewhere. Maybe not where I originally wanted to go, but somewhere.