Matching Music to Books, Part 2!

Hello!

As I took a look back at my blog I remembered one of my favorite posts to have put together: Matching Music to Books (https://nerdycomplexity.com/2018/09/03/matching-music-to-books/). Since I had so much fun putting it together, I thought I would do a second part and have a little more fun, though its actually pretty hard thought experiment. (I find it helpful for my own writing too). Speaking of my own writing, I started the last music/book post with two songs I connect to my own writing so I ought to do that here.

Last time I did the first two books in the trilogy I’m writing: Wolves Rising, and Eagles’ Flight. So I should finish up the trilogy before I move on. The third book is Crow’s Song, the end of the trilogy and currently only half-finished so I don’t have the firmest grip on what I want it to be. With that in mind, a song that I do find fits what I have on the page currently is “Zombie” (the cover by Bad Wolves specifically): https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9XaS93WMRQQ

I suppose I did two for my own writing last time so… Now I’m not saying you should always follow a pattern but I’ve already mentioned my other current writing project this year in my 19 Goals for 2019. That project is called When Summer Magic Sleeps and if I had to pick a song for it, I’d go with Panic! at the Disco’s “Dying in LA”: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iahWWAr82Q0

-~-~-

Now that I’ve gotten my own music out of the way, let’s get to the main event: books that are not mine!

Let’s start kind of easy on me with and go with Rick Riordan’s novels. Yes, all of them. Well, less all of them and more like I’ve found a song that I think suits the mood of a lot of the novels. While the many series have their comedic moments, you are ready books about literal kids who, thanks to who their parents are, are stuck fighting for their lives. So the song I find that really suits that problem is Celtic Thunder’s “Crow on the Cradle”: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5j-a0bTNzF4

Going a little more old fashioned but sticking with the mythological stories, I’m going to think about Le Morte D’Arthur by Sir Thomas Malory. This one’s also probably a cheat because really  a lot of Arthurian tales retread the same ground. I’m picking Malory specifically because it’s one of the older accounts and its focus is on Arthur mostly. I mean a huge portion of the text, especially in the middle, is about different Arthurian knights, but I’m sticking by my choice because Le Morte D’Arthur also gives the story from beginning to end without presenting the Arthurian story in the middle of others (if I could just choose a portion of a story I’d be more likely to pick the Arthurian portions of the Mabinogion for this song choice because its one of the older, older tales). For this one, especially the earlier accounts of Arthur’s life or the early parts of Arthur’s reign, it’s Starset’s “It Has Begun”:  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XZp3Mtn-YsI

Switching up a little bit by getting modern and forcing myself to focus on a single book out of a series, I’m taking a look at The Cuckoo’s Calling, the first C.B. Strike novel by Robert Galbraith. The beginning of this character-driven detective series offers not only an interesting mystery but also sets up some fantastic character interactions between the two leads: Cormoran and Robin that makes you so curious where their relationship may lead. I’m going to have to pick another Panic! At the Disco song, and off the same album too! But, hey, this is my blog and I make up my own rules (though I haven’t actually set up any rules so I’m also not breaking any rules so I’m good??) Because this is the first in the series and the two leads get a peek at what their future could be, I’m going with Panic!’s “High Hopes”:  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IPXIgEAGe4U

Next up is S.E. Hinton’s The Outsider’s. This one was one of my favorite books in high school and, admittedly, its been a while since I’ve had the chance to read it. I’m not even sure if I have a copy in my book collection any more. But the plot is easy enough to remember so I can figure out a musical connection to play up. And this one might sound strange, because the song was specifically made for the soundtrack of an (awful) movie but I still love it none the less. So, here’s a song for Ponyboy’s struggles and continuing on after everything, Rihanna’s “Towards the Sun”: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MPQdQd7vY1g

How bout we do one more? Hmm, trying to think of a good book/song combo to finish the second part of the list off. Ahh! Okay, think I have one!

We’ll finish this post with one of C.S. Lewis’ adult fiction books: Till We Have Faces. This is actually a retelling of the Greek tale of Eros (Cupid) and Pysche but focuses on Pysche’s older sister Orual who is convinced that the gods don’t care for humanity. She realizes her mistakes when Pysche is punished for having looked on Eros’ face, something Orual convinced her to do, and Orual comes to realize that it was she, and not the gods, who was bitter. This journey isn’t easy and can actually be hard to read, but I appreciate how Orual struggles and develops throughout the story. I’m going with Natalia Kills’ “Devils Don’t Fly”:  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lrFqGoBSBzM

And there we have it. It took me some time and thinking to make this list, but I’m pretty happy with it. Maybe I’ll do a part 3 in a few more months!

Picking My Next Game

So recently I realized just how stressed I am currently feeling. I’ve been trying to pinpoint why I’m feeling so poorly lately but there doesn’t seem to be a single source of the problem. (That would be too easy, right? Solve the source, solve the problem.) Instead, its been a process of trying to limit my stress and answer several smaller problems that have risen along the way.

For example, food. This passed week I’ve been working some longer shifts in the lead up to the start of our season. These shifts haven’t necessarily been particularly stressful for me, things will work out and all I can really do is do my job. However, problems arise when I get home from these shifts. Unless I work a purely opening shift (which is rare) I don’t get home until closer to 6:30 due to timing with buses. That is about an hour later than I was used to when my parents were able to pick me up from work and usually already had food on the go. Now I need to get myself home and fed. And usually I don’t feel like cooking after such a long shift, usually I don’t feel like doing much more than curling up into a ball and doing something to relax. Problem. Solution: yesterday I had the day off and I spent it doing a lot of chores that needed doing; laundry, grocery shopping, and making a large meal with lots of leftovers. Now I can get home after a long shift, or even just a normal closing shift, and be able to eat right away.

I wish other issues were fixed just as easily. My anxiety about the future and my current problems sleeping have yet to present a solution. However, while I ponder those issues, I also get to ponder a nicer question: what video game should I get next.

I mentioned above that I like doing something to relax and entertain me when I get home from a shift. Sometimes that’s reading, sometimes it’s watching a movie or YouTube and sometimes it’s playing some video games. But I’ve played most of my current games to death and they just aren’t holding my attention any more.

I can’t afford to get ten new games when I want something fresh so I have to be careful to choose my next one wisely because its likely the only new game I’m going to get at least for the summer months. So, what do I pick, especially since there’s so many good options?

In my previous post about Me and My Switch I mentioned my interest in trying my hand at Dark Souls. While that’s still on my list it probably isn’t going to be something, I pick up right now. While I’ve very interested in the hinted lore and storyline as well as the customization, but the difficulty might not be what my messy-stressy brain needs right now. Dark Souls is on the list, just not at the top at the moment.

I spotted Detective Pikachu on a store shelf recently. My Switch is the current console I’m mostly paying attention to I do have my 3DS still and Pikachu reminded me that there’s still a whole host of Pokemon games I haven’t had the chance to play. I’m not sure the different style of Let’s Go Pikachu or Eevee is for me, if I feel like breaking away from the regular Pokemon formula I think I’d rather go for Detective Pikachu (especially with the movie coming out??) and I could also pick up one of the main games too; maybe Sun or Moon or I could wait a while and pick up Sword or Shield when they’re released later this year.

Another tempting one is Mario Odyssey. Again, I’ve skipped over a lot of Mario games. My favorite has always been Mario Sunshine and I loved replaying that one. Unfortunately, in all the moves I’m made in my university career Sunshine disappeared somewhere along the lines. If I ever find it again, its surprisingly rare in used game stores, I would grab it in a heart beat, but Mario Odyssey might just be the Mario fix I need. From what I’ve seen of it, it’s a lot more of the open world style Mario game rather than the side-scrolling type and the hat feature seems to be an interesting mechanic to play around with. This one’s pretty high on my list.

I’d add Mario Party to the list too if I didn’t have to pay for additional controllers so that I can throw a literal Mario Party. Maybe a little further into the summer when me and my friends need a party break from work.

I’ve also missed out on a couple of the latest Harvest Moon/Story of Seasons games for the 3DS. I’m still missing Harvest Moon: A Tale of Two Towns, Story of Seasons, and Story of Seasons: A Trio of Towns. I’m leaning towards something like this for the summer game because it’s a little more laid back and relaxing but doesn’t have the real-time mechanic of Animal Crossing that eventually made that series such a chore. The problem is that, much like Sunshine, Story of Season games aren’t the easiest to find outside their initial release window so might not be a viable option for me. With that said, I think the best option I have for my “Working Season” game-pick might just be My Time in Portia. It’s available on Switch via Steam and seems to combine a lot of different styles of the building/farming genre. I’ve heard some mixed things on it but I’d always rather judge for myself so picking up something new could be really fun!

I still haven’t made my full decision yet, it’s actually a pretty hard decision to make when I really get to thinking about it, so I’ll try and remember to let you know what I pick whenever I (finally) make my decision!

Short Story: Theatre Normalcy

Hello!

This week I thought I might give you a short story based on a strange dream I had a while ago. I think my brain has been telling me that it misses theatre work.

~-~-~

“Right, okay. We’ll start with you on stage please. I’d like you to read over…” the director, who had introduced himself as Will, paused and began flipping through the stack of papers he had clipped to the board he was holding.

Ryan scrambled onto the stage, dusted off his pants, and faced Will. His left foot bounced nervously, and he rubbed his hands together.

“I have it here somewhere…maybe we ought to start with your prepared monologue, instead.” Will dropped the ends of the papers and adjusted his glasses. “Yes, let’s do that. Whenever you’re ready.”

Nodding, Ryan swallowed the sudden lump in his throat. “I’ve prepared a speech of Claudius’ from Shakespeare’s Hamlet.”

“Yes, go ahead.” Will continued to stare up toward him from the second row of theater chairs.

“Right, right!” Taking a deep breath, Ryan turned away from the invisible audience, took 10 seconds, then turned back. “O, my offense –”

The lights of the theatre dimmed, flashed, and returned to full power.

Blinking, Ryan glanced around. “O—”

“Anna!” Will yelled over his shoulder, his voice loud, taking advantage of the theatre’s acoustics.

“I saw it! I saw it!” A young woman, bright pink hair stacked into a messy bun high on her head, hurried into the room from a side entrance. “Give me a moment. I’ll figure it out.” She vanished through another side door opposite from where she had entered.

Will looked to Ryan expectantly.

“Right…right.” The lights flickered again, but the director was looking rather bored, so Ryan forged ahead with his monologue.

Throughout the speech Will scribbled some notes, but by the time Ryan was finished he was back to flipping through his papers.

“Good, good. I’ll just find that excerpt from our show and –” He broke off as Anna sprinted back into the room. Without looking up he shot a question over his shoulder, “Find the problem?”

“I sure did!” Anna bolted out the first door she had come through.

Will kept flipping through his clipboard.

Ryan rubbed the toe of his right shoe into the stage flooring.

“Just give me a minute, it’s here some—” Again he stopped as the sound of pounding footsteps heralded Anna’s return. “What is it then?” He still didn’t look up.

“Probably the thing on fire!” Anna rushed passed, holding a fire extinguisher before her as though it was a rifle with bayonet affixed. The door slammed behind her as she disappeared.

“Ah!”  Will’s exclamation made Ryan jump.

Rather than rushing out to help with the fire, however, the director merely removed some sheets from the clip board and held them up. “I’ve found it!”

From the next room Ryan could hear Anna shouting loudly, “Remember PASS. P – pull the pin! A – aim for the source of the fire!”

“Shouldn’t we help her?” Ryan asked, eyeing the door nervously.

Will, coming down the aisle, script in hand, shook his head. “She’s fine.”

“S – Squeeze the trigger!” There was a rushing noise. “S – Sweeeeeeeeeeeeeep!”

“She doesn’t sound fine.”

“That’s how she remains calm. Here you go. I want you to read Antiono for me, if you would. I’ll read Leah’s parts, if I can find another script.” Will handed the sheets over, and started back to his seat, digging through his papers again.

Anna was still yelling “Sweeeeeeeeeep” the next room over.

Clutching the script close to his chest, Ryan contemplated running for the door. “Is this normal?”

“Yep!!” returned the director, rifling through his pages once again.

~-~-~

If you’re wondering, I’m pretty sure in my dream that the director Will had been William Shakespeare in modern times. I couldn’t tell you what was on fire but Will seemed very confident that Anna could handle it despite her screaming.

Sometimes dreams can be weird but this one wasn’t too bad. I didn’t wake up scared, just laughing.

If you’re wondering, the whole PASS thing was actually how I was taught to use a fire extinguisher: it’s pretty easy to remember though getting a broad-enough sweep can be a little hard. Apparently, the hardest thing to remember is that, even if you think you’ve extinguished the fire completely, you should never turn your back to it. Flare-ups can be dangerous so if you try to walk away you should always walk backwards the way you came and be prepared to attempt extinguishing it again.  So, now you know! A story and a lesson (I’m good at this) [I’m really not.]

Accidental Early April Fool’s Prank??

Hello!

So, for April Fools this year I got particularly tricky and played my prank on March 31st so that no one expected it – even myself!

Yes, my special super fun prank for April Fools 2019 was probably making a bunch of people think I had measles!

It’s an allergic reaction. But I am covered in a red spotted rash.

It’s not pretty.

You see, I’m actually allergic to certain antibiotics that are penicillin-based. We found that out last…October(?) when I had antibiotics to deal with a tooth problem. This time around it was for the removal of my wisdom teeth. But I only react about two days AFTER I finish the round of antibiotics.

But I at least understood what was happening when it started again.

What we weren’t expecting is when it attacked my face and made my neck swell up. You see, the scary things about allergies like these is that they can affect your breathing. So my neck swelling got us concerned about my throat so my Mom and I headed for emerge at like 9 Sunday morning.

Turns out the 31st was a busy day for the ER and me, sitting there with really freaking obvious red spots, got a lot of looks. The triage nurse came out to check with the new people in the line because they don’t operate on a first-come-first-serve basis. If you are in a lot of trouble you skip up the line: problems with copious amounts of blood, chest pains, and trouble breathing. She took one look at me, checked if my tongue was swollen, and pulled me in next.

There was still some waiting and still some parents moving their kids away from me when I sat down, but I eventually got a bed. In a hall. It was a VERY busy day.

The doctors and nurses went with checking the worst-case scenarios with the evidence they had, which was a question of measles. That was debunked pretty quickly and I noticed the news spread around the doctors, nurses, and EMTs pretty quickly. Probably to then assure any concerned patients that “No, that red spotted lady over there is not contagious”.

They were still concerned about my swollen face and neck so they took some blood and urine samples and got me onto some fluids and Benadryl via an IV. I was there for most of the rest of the day (we left about 4:45) under observation. My mother went in and out which just shows you how well Dr. Emily and Nurse Christine were because they were able to handle my anxiety (by giving me a dose of something which was just the best), answering my questions, and letting me doze in the corner of the hall as stretcher after stretcher went by from the myriad of ambulances that came in.

When I was paying attention, I could see the looks I got from other patients. People still moved their kids away, but it was funny at that point because I knew I wasn’t spreading anything.

I’m still spotted. It’ll take a while for it to disappear entirely. But my face and neck aren’t swelling up anymore and the rash is already easing from there too. Soon enough I’ll be right as rain, I just need to keep up on the Benadryl.

Since my reaction got worse from last time, we’re planning on getting a medical alert bracelet since it could be very dangerous for me to get a bigger dose of penicillin or anything in its family during an emergency situation. The doctor also suggested an EpiPen.

So I guess part of the April Fool’s joke is on me: I now need to actually remember that I have allergies if someone asks. I’ve gotten so used to answering no!

Two Nerdy Questions

Hello!

Do you think that lantern light could actually shine through Harry’s invisibility cloak? Like, the first movie shows us Harry carrying a lantern underneath the cloak and using it to snoop around the Restricted section of the library. He drops the lantern and flees when he’s almost caught by Argus and his cat.

But, if the invisibility cloak makes everything underneath it invisible to the outside, including Harry and the lamp, can the light from the lantern even pass beyond the cloak in order to light anything up for Harry? Because wouldn’t the light then be visible to people outside the cloak? Sure, people couldn’t see the lantern itself but they could see the affect it has on the surroundings, right? Because we’re later shown (in the third movie during the Hogsmeade scene) and told (I think at least in the 7th book?) that footprints show up. And if you knock into something then everyone can perceive that bit too (Harry either taking Neville’s bloody pop in the third movie or alternatively, I’ve heard suggested, when the pop gets stuck to the invisibility cloak).

So wouldn’t the lantern be more of a give away than is worth the risk?

-~-~-

In the Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Rings, the hobbits meet up with a character by the name of Tom Bombadil. Not in the movies, he was cut out of those, but in the books, he actually saves the hobbits at least twice. First, he finds them under attack by a willow tree that is trying to consume them into its roots and after saving them, brings them to his home to recover. When the hobbits leave to continue their journey, they actually have to cross a barrow field that’s just covered in ancient graves and they end up getting trapped inside one of them. Tom comes along and gets them out and sends them on their way.

Tom’s a super interesting character who’s never fully explained in the books because no one really knows what the hell he even is. Like, he’s presented as some sort of primordial being who was living in Middle Earth before the elves came east and possibly even before they were created. It’s even shown that the ring has no effect on him! This leads Frodo to wonder if they could leave the ring with Tom because he would be powerful enough to protect it without being tempted by it. Gandalf cuts that idea down because Tom is just not what we would call a moral human being. He doesn’t understand the dangers the ring would bring about and would ultimately forget he even had it, never mind protect it.

Frodo really should have realized that because its Tom’s influence that first convinced him to try the ring on. Yes! The first time Frodo puts the ring on isn’t a wacky accident in the Prancing Pony but a conscious choice on Frodo’s part. You see, Tom tries the ring on, nothing happens, he then makes it disappear and reappear before giving it back to Frodo who then puts it on because he wonders is Tom switched it! Why did Tom show off a little magic trick with the ring that might destroy the world? Did he really not understand what it was and what damage it could cause? Because if Tom is meant to represent a figure of primordial nature then, surely, he has some understanding of the damage to the earth itself that someone like Sauron could cause. The movies took this route: they gave some of Tom’s lines to Treebeard the Ent, very much a figure of ancient nature.

There are two other possibilities though, both of which consider Tom as someone with enough knowledge to know the consequences of the ring. Could Tom be evil, purposely playing a trick with the ring in order to get Frodo to put it on?  This was suggested by a classmate of mine when we were studying the Inklings and, originally, I didn’t give it much thought but the idea has grown on me. See, Sauron is destructive to nature but so too are human beings and the next age is meant to be a human age. So maybe Tom’s trying to throw the two groups at each other so that they destroy each other and ultimately save nature.

The other possibility seems to be the more moral side of this idea. That Tom got Frodo to put the ring on for the purpose of prompting Frodo to try and destroy it. Like, Tom knew the consequences and so tried to find someone who would take the ring to Mordor. Seems like Tom could have easily done it himself but nature doesn’t tend to fix societies problems for us?

Getting My Wisdom Teeth Removed

Hello!

This week is likely to be an extremely anxious for me. I’m halfway through a six day work week (Friday-Wednesday) and then, first thing Thursday morning, I will have my two right wisdom teeth pulled.

I’m not super great at handling my anxiety, and I’m especially squeamish about doctors and dentists. That’s why they’re going to put me out for the removal; the dentist actually laughed a little bit about that. But I reacted badly to being put out last time for a tooth removal so I’m not feeling fantastic this week.

I’m not sleeping well and I find myself getting overly anxious at moments when there’s nothing to be anxious about.

At least at work I’m able to focus on a system change-over we’re in the middle of. It’s a whole lot of finding products, pulling off old stickers, and sticking on new ones. I’m already absolutely wrecked two of my nails. But in the grand scheme that’s hardly important.

The problem is every other time. It’s dealing with the anxiety when I’m on the bus and at home and when I’m trying to sleep.

Part of the trick seems to be to focus on doing things that I enjoy. It doesn’t solve my problem completely but its another way of trying to deal with things.

Lately its been mostly video games and books.

Books and reading have always been a big part of how I relax and entertain myself. My Mom loves telling me how I always loved books even as a baby. Even before I could speak I apparently used to love holding books and babbling as though I was reading the story outload. I was also slow in talking, I wanted to get to whole sentences before I really started. I always carried a book around with me and I still do. Thanks to university I feel the need to read multiple books at once.

Currently I’ve got two going. For fiction I’m on the fourth C.B. Strike novel, ‘Lethal White’ by Robert Galbraith (J.K. Rowling). I’ve just eaten through the other three novels and introduced them to my mother who ended up buying the fourth one herself. It means it’s a hard back, which is not my preference as it’s a little harder to read, but I’m working my way through it. For non-fiction I’m reading Alison Weir’s ‘Lancaster & York: The Wars of the Roses’. I’ve previously read Weir’s biography of Elizabeth I and I found it both informative and well written. Her discussion of the Wars of the Roses is also proving fascinating.

However, my anxiety is currently making reading difficult. My ability to focus on the text comes and goes depending on my level of anxiety. If it’s high, then reading, even as a means of distracting myself, is useless because my mind wanders too much and starts giving into all the worst case scenarios running around my head.

But I’m learning more tricks.

You see, often video games can be the same thing: not enough of a distraction when I’m very anxious or too anxiety inducing in-and-of themselves. I’ve actually gone into a total panic attack from two different Legend of Zelda games (Ocarina of Time and Majora’s Mask). I still enjoy both games but I need to be in a really good mind space to play either of them.

When I get anxious and want to distract myself I tend to go for Harvest Moon games (the old ones that were actual Harvest Moon games before the companies split and the main games changed names to Story of Seasons (check this video out for an explanation of that whole thing if you’re curious: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yPZ1oLSh7ec). I tend to go to these games because I can play them without having to get involved in large time-consuming events and dungeons. I can play as long as I’d like and then stop whenever I want without losing progress or having to limit what I do while I’m playing.

Now Harvest Moon could come across like Animal Crossing for me (https://nerdycomplexity.com/2018/08/20/loving-and-leaving-animal-crossing/) except for the fact that it’s not set to real time. I can stop playing for months and go back and face no consequences for the break. So it gives me the same benefits without the feeling of playing becoming a chore.

The tricks I’m learning is to double up. Yeah, sometimes I’m so anxious that reading and playing video games by themselves doesn’t help. I can’t focus on the game or book fully because my mind keeps wandering. So I double up.

When I play video games (currently Harvest Moon: Magical Melody) I usually have YouTube playing on my computer or phone and playing theory videos and video essays. Discussions of ‘Game of Thrones’ are a big favorite of mine right now. Doubling up like this gives me the ability to do something with my hands (playing games) and something for my mind (listening to and thinking about movies, books, television, and the like).

For reading, I’ve had the most success with this week by taking my books on the bus with me. This is usually when I’m heading to and from work. The movement of the bus and the fact that I am currently in the process of heading somewhere and thus only have a certain amount of time to read, allow me to focus better on my book rather than my anxiety. It means my reading is slow going but that’s okay because sometimes I just eat up books so things balance out.

I’m still going to be anxious, especially going into the dentist on Thursday. But I’m going to do my best to stay calm and grow up a little more as I do. I’ve been working on getting better at dealing with my anxiety and gaining new skills and memories as I do. I got my G2 license and learned to drive. I kind of even like it. I defended my Master’s thesis. I can get my wisdom teeth removed and then enjoy some video games and books with a little less anxiety!

Retail Lessons: Do It Anyway

Hello!

I realized today that I’ve been learning more and more about myself from working retail this winter. Part of it might be the fact that this was really my first year round job that wasn’t limited to the summer or semesters of school. But it also might be the people I’m working with, the job itself, the fact that its retail, and the other things happening in my life.

This morning though, I realized a new lesson that I had been learning at work and planning on trying to consciously implement it in the rest of my life. You know it from the title but here it is: Do It Anyway.

Now this might sound really bad, especially if the work environment is at all toxic or if the insistence that you do it anyway is coming from a boss who isn’t thinking things through.

No, the reason that this lesson really jumped out at me is that my work place is laid back enough that I’m the one teaching myself to Do It Anyway. It’s something that I started doing on my own because it seemed like a good way of looking at things; a good way at getting things done. Which should mean that I’ll be able to implement it all the more easily into other areas of my life.

By Do It Anyway, I mean this as an answer to those moments of “But”.

I should sweep and mop “But” I don’t feel like it. Do It Anyway (because it needs to get done). I should dust “But” it doesn’t look really bad right now. Do It Anyway (because it needs to get done at some point so why not now?). I should replace the shopping bags “But” they aren’t getting super low yet. Do It Anyway (because it’ll need to get done and I can do it, so why not help out when I can?).

It started out with basics that we’re supposed to do during open or close that sometimes seems pointless. Like, you’re supposed to recount your till first thing in the morning to make sure everything is at $200 each for the day. However, sometimes this really feels repetitive because the person that closed the night before should have set the tills back to the $200. However, I’ve always told myself to Do It Anyway so that I know for sure that everything is good. It makes me feel better. And Do It Anyway has caught problems, times when the till isn’t set properly. Points where everything would become more complicated because I hadn’t caught it earlier but were fixed because I Did It Anyway.

Do It Anyway might make things a little harder at the time. It means I need to take the time to do the thing I need to do whether that’s go dig around the basement storage to find those shopping bags, or dust for the third day in a row. It can also mean short term annoyance and aching like when I have to sweep and mop which leaves my back hurting or doing something that I feel like someone else should have done.

But I’m trying to Do It Anyway because I CAN do it even if I feel like someone else already should have. Because I’m trying to make myself better and that means letting go of assumptions of what other people should or shouldn’t do. Maybe there were other reasons that those people didn’t do those things but I don’t have that excuse so I’m going to Do It Anyway.

So at work alone I’ve been learning to take accountability for my own actions but not to assume the accountability of anyone else. All because I tell myself to Do It Anyway at work in a retail job.

What else could I teach myself if I applied Do It Anyway to other areas of my life?

I want to start going to the gym and that’s going to be a lot of work and discomfort from the very beginning (I hurt myself running half a block to catch a bus). But I have to keep telling myself to Do It Anyway because it’ll be good for me. I’ll feel more comfortable in my body. And maybe I won’t hurt myself running for the bus anymore.

I’ll have to start keeping the apartment clean on my own as everyone else heads off soon. I’ve started making a plan that’ll having me do one chore a day to keep on top of everything. Right now, that doesn’t seem so bad but I know there will be days I’m tired and don’t feel like doing anything and I’m going to have to Do It Anyway. Because I’m more likely to Do It Anyway if its just one job and not leaving all of them until one day.

I’ve been making plans with friends and then going, even when my anxiety and depression tells me not to, because I need to Do It Anyway. Because my anxiety and depression lie to me about people not liking me, not wanting to hang out with me so Doing It Anyway reminds me of the truth: if they didn’t want to hang out with me they wouldn’t have invited me.

Remembering to eat because I need to and Doing It Anyway. Remembering to keep drinking water and Doing It Anyway even if I want to drink pop. Flossing, groceries, talking with my best friend. Do It Anyway even when things get in the way, it seems hard, especially when it gets hard.